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Two people can sit in the same room, hear the same sentence, and walk away with two completely different realities. One hears disrespect. One hears efficiency. One hears care. One hears control. The sentence hasn’t changed. The frame has. That’s the sneaky thing about experience. We usually think we’re seeing what’s happening. Often, we’re seeing what our values, beliefs, training, fears, identities, and social position have taught us to notice. Human perception is less like

This one goes out to mediators and conflict resolvers and conflict transformers. The core message is: we need to own our depth of knowledge. Many years ago, (and we can hope that the field has changed enough that this wouldn’t happen today), I was the head of a mediation center and was asked to visit a mediation training at a nearby law school. The training was run by an outside trainer brought in by a law school professor. So, the first question is, naturally,